Friday 2 July 2010

Cromdamn Conan's Witnesses at the door again...


The symbol of the Conan's Witnesses, a Miliusnarian Revisionist Cromian denomination

Hilarious.  The jist of it: imagine if Conan the Barbarian fans decided to make a religion out of Crom worship, and made an unholy mishmash based mostly on the film while treating Howard as, essentially, supplementary material.  All that's missing are the irate Howardists coming around, denouncing the witnesses as blasphemers of the most profane heresy, infuriated at the mixing of the true, original texts of the great prophet Howard with the heretical teachings of the Miliusians.  Then you could get the Decampistas, the Lancer Orthodox, the Star Metal Adventists...



Reminds me of an old joke about religious intolerance my mum told me (she's a walking contradiction, one of the most well-versed Catholics I know who also knows some of the funniest religious jokes), which I'll paraphrase here:

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off.
So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he said.
I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"
He said, "Like what?"
I said, "Well, do you prefer to read fiction or non-fiction?"
He said, "Fiction."
I said, "Me too! Do you prefer speculative fiction or mainstream fiction?"
He said, "Speculative."
I said, "Me too! Do you prefer fantasy or science fiction?"
He said, "Fantasy."
I said, "Me too! Do you prefer traditional fantasy or comic fantasy?"
He said, "Traditional!"
I said, "Me too! Do you prefer High Fantasy or Sword-and-Sorcery?
He said, "Sword-and-Sorcery!"
I said, "Wow! Me too! Do you prefer Elric or Conan?"
He said, "Conan!"
I said, "Me too! Do you prefer Robert E. Howard's Conan the Cimmerian, or John Milius' Conan the Barbarian?"
He said, "John Milius' Conan the Barbarian!"

I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.

2 comments:

  1. hahaha... very good... howardian humour... are there more jokes of this kind...?
    by the way I couldn't choose between Conan and Elric...
    Francisco...

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  2. Francisco, it's a slightly altered version of an old joke regarding Baptists, and poking fun at the idea of religious people being too affected by old rivalries to see how relatively minor the differences between creeds can be.

    Here's the original:

    I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, are you religious or atheist?" He said, "Religious." I said, "Me too! Are your Christian or Buddhist?" He said, "Christian." I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" He said, "Protestant." I said, Me too! Are your Episcopalian or Baptist? He said, "Baptist!" I said, "Wow! Me too! Are your Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord? He said, Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are your Original Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.

    As for more Howardian humour, hmm... Better go over to the REH forums for that. There's a certain zaftig enchantress who has a penchant for such things!

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